Never give up, Never give in
by DarkDragonDreamer
Summary: A Journal entry/letter from Kuwabara. Rated M to be safe for implied/mentioned situations. One Shot!


_Death. Do we all not think of death at some point? Some, I guess, think of it more then others. Some people fear death, some welcome it. I am not afraid of death, but I am not ready to welcome it either. I have often thought about how it is I will leave this world... Will I die fighting? Will I die peacefully in my bed? Will I die at the hands of a mad man? Or... Will Hiei finally kill me like he has threatened to time and time again?_

_I know I am not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree, or the sharpest knife in the drawer, I know you think I am a stubby short of a six pack, or that my manual drive is stuck in reverse. Have you ever stopped to wonder what made me this way? Well let me tell you, my life has not been easy, far from it. I have always been the outcast, the guy who never fit in anywhere. Even among my so called team mates I don't fit in. But I try, I try hard because my mother gave me life after all that she went through, so I owe it to her not to give up, not to give in._

_You see my mother was raped, and when she found out she was pregnant with me, the guy she was dating attacked her. Beating her up and trying to kill me in the process. My mother was lucky that her neighbours heard Shizuru's cries for help and rung the cops. Yes, my sister witnessed the whole ordeal._

_She was badly beaten. 5 broken ribs, right arm broken, left arm fractured in two places, right wrist fractured, Left leg broken in two places and right leg and ankle broken. She also had a dislocated collar bone, a broken nose, fractured right eye socket and fractures through her hands and feet plus a few more ribs. That's not including the bruises covering her or the cuts she had. My mother almost lost me due to excessive bleeding._

_But she was a fighter, much like me, and didn't give up. She held on. I was born 2 months premature. The beating she had taken had affected me as well, and as I grew they were to discover how badly it did affect me. My mother was granted a large sum of money from the court case against the guy who had brought about this situation. She always said the money was there for when we needed it. She only spent a small amount of it on stuff for Shizuru and myself, the rest stayed in an account earning interest for when it was direly needed._

_As I mentioned my mother almost died giving me life. Eventually she did leave us. She died when I was 8 and Shizuru was 11. We were to live with our only other living relative, our uncle. He was an asshole. He would try things with Shizuru, we ran away together many times. Of course we would always wind up back in that darn house with him. Well until the incident..._

_I won't go into details, it's not my place, but I will say that it is just my sister and I now and we were almost sent to a detention centre and then an orphanage after that, but some how, and for some reason, Shizuru was given custody of me, and we were allowed to move into our old house. We didn't want to be there, so we rented an apartment with the money left from the payout granted to our mother. When Shizuru was old enough, we sold the house and brought another to live in. Things were looking up for us... finally._

_Shizuru pushes me to study because she knows that I lose focus easily and that I wish I were smarter... She knows that even though I try not to show it, I am angry and fighting lets me release some of it. I miss my mother, I am angry that she went through so much and isn't going to be there for our big moments in life. I am angry that Shizuru saw everything that happened, and that she feels it is her duty to look after me because I saved her and because she is the older and, well basically because of everything._

_But mostly, I am angry at people who judge me because they don't know anything about me. I am angry that people call me ugly when they don't know about what I went through to get Shizuru away from our Uncle. I am angry that people don't know that I wear these scars on my face like a badge of honour. And they are, these are my badges for protecting my sister's honour. I would do it all again in a heart beat._

_Because of all this I am not afraid of death, not at all. I know I will die like everyone else. I just want to prove people wrong about me. I am not dumb nor am I ugly. Not really, I am just doing the best I can with the cards dealt to me. Now that you know what I have been fighting against and for, maybe now you'll stop with all those insults and the staring and think 'you know, he is doing the best he can, kudos to him'. I fight everyday because my mother gave me the chance to. A chance I do not want to waste. I fight because Shizuru needs me and I don't want to let her or my mother down._

_As I started to say earlier, I don't know how I will die. I might be alone or among allies and friends. But so long as I have no regrets, I'll be happy. My mother taught me about honour, and from what I learnt I developed my honour code. My mother loved kittens and all kinds of cats; something she gave to me was that same love for our feline friends. She was an amazing woman our mother. I see a lot of her in Shizuru; it's just that Shizuru is rough around the edges from all she went through. But you grow up going through what we went through, with the added burden of being able to see and feel 'things', and see how you turn out._

_**Sorry Baby Bro,**_

_**I saw this on your table and I couldn't help but peek, you know what I am like...**_

_**Anyway, I just wanted to add a few things.**_

_**Like how no matter what others think, I am proud of you. I always have been. You are my little Warrior Brother, and I love you. And I wanted to let them know what you would not tell them.**_

_**What you did for me...**_

_**How you get those battle scars...**_

_**Your badges of honour.**_

_**As Kazuma mentioned, Our Uncle was a real asshole. And he was always trying to... touch me, to make me do things to him and with him. I found a way around it every time before that night. But this time he came in just as I had finished getting ready for bed. He... well to put it bluntly but as nicely as I possibly can, he wouldn't take no for an answer or any excuse.**_

_**I screamed and kicked, but it didn't get me far. My baby Bro heard the commotion and came to my rescue. My uncle turned on him then, pulling a knife out from the back of his pants. Kazuma pushed me out of the room and told me to get help. I ran to the phone and called the cops.**_

_**When I retuned, our uncle was on the ground, his dead eyes staring at me, Kazuma sitting on his chest knife in hand, Cuts on cheeks. My Saviour, My Warrior, My Baby Brother had killed the man who had dared try and rape me. The cops arrived not long later, they wanted to take you from me Baby Bro, but I wouldn't let them. I even punched that dickhead cop that tried to hold me back in the nose... It made a satisfying crunch.**_

_**Hmm, well, back to the point. I don't know where I would be without you Kazuma, So I look after you, like I know you look after me. We are family, and nothing will break us apart. We have been through to much together, come too far, to let them hold us back now.**_

_**So thank-you Kazuma, thank you for fighting when I couldn't, thank you for holding me tall when I could barely stand, Thank you for being the gentleman you are, but mostly, thank you for being you, thank you for being My Warrior Brother.**_

_**Love you Baby Bro,**_

_**Mum would be proud of you...**_

_**Shiz.**_

_Shiz,_

_You didn't have to say a word... But thank you. And you never need to thank me; I will always protect you from whatever you need to be protected from. Mother would be proud of you as well._

_Well, to whom ever read this. Now you hopefully understand my life, my sister and myself a little better. So, tell me, Who are you to judge us?_

_I am happy to be me, You know why, because I do what I need to do to make sure my sister and I survive. No matter what that means. Would I kill again for her? You can bet your life I will, if I ever need to. Don't tell me that I am stupid, don't tell me I am nothing, Don't tell me I am worthless. For the next time you do, I might just hand a copy of this to you and tell you that no, In reality, it is you who is stupid for not knowing all that facts before making your petty judgements._

_So now go, go run to whomever it is you run to and tell them that the guy you pick on has finally had enough and stood up for himself._

_Tell them who you really are,_

_You are the bully._

_But more then that, remember what my mother taught me, never give up, never give in. Hopefully it may serve you as well as it has served me._

_Because I will never give up, I will never give in,_

_I will always fight for what I believe is right,_

_May you do the same._

_Kazuma Kuwabara._


End file.
